In Her Savior's Arms

October 18

Cherie Louise Gray passed into her Savior's arms this morning at 9:55am. Mom and Dad and I were arm in arm, watching her take her last breath on this earth. Thank you for your many prayers and support. I will update again with information for Cherie's memorial.

Kristi Lynn

It is Well With My Soul

October 16

As my dad sings It is Well With my Soul out loud to Cherie we want you all to know that she is still with us. The hospice nurse says her body is fighting death because she's so young. Honestly, there is sadness here at our house, but we still hold fast to the hope we have in Christ and his promise that His chosen ones will be in His presence once they have passed from this earth. Thank you for your prayers.

The Time Has Come

There's not much to write. The hospice nurse has let us know that Cherie will most likely be in the presence of her Lord and Savior within the next 24 hours. My mom, my dad and I are by her side. She is resting and will pass peacefully. I will write again soon. For now, I will go hold my sister's hand. Thank you for your prayers.

Mon Cherie

October 12, 2019

Recently, my parents hired a caregiver to help take care of Cherie. Her name is Lucy, as I shared in the previous post. She also took care of my grandmother towards the end of her life several years ago. Lucy has a big heart. She wrote a letter to Cherie that she wanted me to share:


To Cherie Gray:
Mon Cherie: I just want to thank God for your life, and to your parents Janet and Fred Gray for the trust and opportunity that they have given to me of being with you, to learn about your work and your friends, and serving you as a sister in Christ.
The most beautiful gift that I ever had has been sharing life with you, a soul winner, always looking at fulfilling the great commission, taking the salvation message to the ones who need it the most. I see your willingness, your love, and the passion you do it with. I can see how God uses your life and how through it you reflect Jesus.
I can also see how God has prepared our lives for this purpose, seeing you work until the last minute of your day and starting the next one, preparing your appointments. I also can see how God has prepared our lives for this purpose, seeing that you work until the last minute of your day and starting the next one, preparing your appointments for going forward. We talk the same language, passion for the souls.
Thanks Mon Cherie for everything that I have learned from you in just this short time. You inspire me to go on and achieve the purpose we were created for. Thanks to the Holy Spirit for holding, helping, guiding and comforting us when things get hard.
Thanks one more time to God who allowed us to be together at this time and keep us together in His blood and His love. Je t'aime mon Cherie.
Lucy Angeles

Even though I haven't met Lucy yet, I really like her! 

The Back Story of Blindness

October 9^th, 2019

If you were out and about in Tucson today you may or may not have seen Cherie as a passenger in my mom’s van, headed to an important meeting! Yes, it’s true! Cherie actually attended a TRM Refugee Ministry Network Partners lunch meeting today. The people attending were organizations that were launched because of TRM! Cherie stayed for over an hour and her smile lit up the room. She listened to many stories and challenges and Cherie shared some of her own. One of her friends rightly encouraged her, “Way to take the fullness of each moment, Cherie, and support those special partners!”

I had decided I wasn’t going to write another blog until my sister was literally on her death bed. When I wrote the last blog I thought that was just around the corner. Many of us thought the same: We flew my son in from PA to say goodbye, we scheduled visitors as often as possible for a face to face with Cherie, and I tried to help limit visitors by posting my blog. Ha! Our God has had other plans! On September 16^th, I had posted that Cherie had recently moved over to my parents’ house, into her own hospital bed. My mom was staying awake many nights, serving Cherie with any needs she might have, including administering pain medication and sometimes helping her to the bathroom. When I realized this was just too much on my mom, we started asking friends to cover the nights so my mom could get some rest. AND OF COURSE… the friends, mostly nurses, signed up to spend the night with Cherie. Many found that Cherie got a boost of energy into the late night hours and she was ready and willing to stay up and chat for quite awhile! In the midst of all of this, the hospice doctor had prescribed a specific steroid for some of the things Cherie was dealing with in her body. The side effects to this steroid were that Cherie would get more energy and her appetite would increase. THIS HAS HAPPENED TWO FOLD!!

People have been making her homemade soups and she has had an appetite for eating! Although she is not consuming the ultimate amount of calories that we would hope for someone her size and age, she is still eating! And she is still drinking! At times, water seems repulsive to her, but so far we have been able to find something to add to the water that will help her want to drink water again.

In the midst of all of this, we knew that the caregiving situation was just taking too much out of my parents. I started receiving calls from a couple of concerned friends of the family in Tucson . Soon after, my parents, Cherie, my husband and I, all decided that it was time to consider another avenue of help. My mom told me that the caregiver that took great care of my grandmother years ago had contacted her and offered to be Cherie’s caregiver, as well! Her name is Lucy. Although I'm not Catholic, little did I know that Saint Lucy of Syracuse is revered as the patron saint of blind people. So now there’s a story that must be told…

I don’t know the exact time frame, but my sister attended Western Michigan University to attain her Masters in Orientation and Mobility. I think this process took about 2 years. Once Cherie received her Master’s, she worked for the Virginia School for the Deaf and Blind for 3 yrs ( from 1991 – 1993). She went to Croatia from ’94 to ’95 and then worked at the Missouri School for the Blind from 1995 – 2000. I have reason to believe that these 5 years were some of the hardest years of Cherie’s life. She was expected to teach a class of blind and, probably mostly deaf students, ALL ALONE! No one shared any helps or expert advice to help Cherie through these years. She was COMPLETELY on her own at the School for the Blind and had to figure out how to teach blind students basic mobility. No one was there to give her positive or even negative feedback. She had NO SUPPORT and had to create a class that would benefit her students and their needs, despite what her own needs were. Her own needs were not recognized and these years defined my sister as feeling very alone.  This job made her feel almost inhumane, and incapable. My husband and I went to visit her in 1996. We were very excited to see what she did for work, but we had no idea how taxing it was on her mentally. I wish we knew then how much people didn’t recognize her gifts. She was all alone and we didn’t realize it at that point. But she was making a difference and really being a good teacher when no around would encourage her!

Back to October of 2019…my parents hire a caregiver named Lucy, meaning “The Patron Saint of Blind People”…To this day I believe that my sister taught blind, maybe even deaf/blind people how to cross the street or catch a city bus or tie their shoes,  or something even more important, but no one was ever able to encourage my sister with these monumental tasks learned because that’s how God planned it! Lucy is an encourager to Cherie and my parents. She has helped take on the task of medication when needed, and has assisted Cherie and my parents in whatever way they need help.

I just returned from Rocky Point, Mexico. My youngest son, Maximus, and I met up with mom and dad Gray at their trailer at Rocky Point! We stayed for 2 and a half days while Lucy watched over and took care of Cherie.  We had a wonderful time together! My parents and I spent long, hot hours together on the beach, watching Max spear a fish!

Many have asked about Cherie’s current condition. It almost seems to change daily!  She is usually quite tired, but she seems to have energy for visitors. Her state has changed extensively from my last post. My sister is trying to function as much as possible for as long as possible. The fact that she made it out of the house today was unspeakable! The Lord is doing His work where He seems fit. I do pray that those who were able to see my sister today used their glorifying words and prayers to honor Christ, the One Who is able to cover all spiritual blindness.

We will be visiting our daughter, Cosette, in Holland, Michigan, for Parents’ Weekend at Hope College. I can’t help but to think, according to my gastroenterologist, that my sister was her age when the cancer began to grow in her body. This chills me to the bone. My hope is in Christ and Him alone…and the name of the college where my daughter attends is Hope College.

How can they say there is no God?!

Pain Control

We Will Feast in the House of Zion…

As Cherie draws nearer to our Lord, it is important that you all are aware of the issue at hand.

Cherie has been in a lot of pain these last couple of weeks. She has had some wonderful visits with friends and family, as much as her body and mind would allow. Last night, Cherie moved into my parents’ house. She is now in a comfy hospital bed provided by hospice. My mom has already benefited from this move and so has Cherie. It is much easier to sit up and drink and her room is right across from mom and dad’s. As of this afternoon, Cherie is still interacting when she is awake, but she sleeps most of the day. The nurse from hospice visits regularly and is continually working with us to manage my sister’s pain.

Currently, my mom has posted the “no visitors” sign. We would ask you all to pray for better pain control.

As Cherie’s body wears down and the pain becomes great, we spend time lamenting because we are reminded that things are not as they ought to be because of sin. We sing songs and read scripture that echo these emotions. Yet, when all is said and done, and the Saints worship the Lord seated on the throne, we will one day all feast in the house of Zion. For the last 2 years, in various circumstances, this picture has been in my mind. The words that we sing as a congregation at church touch my soul to the core:

“We will feast in the House of Zion

We will feast with our hearts restored

He has done great things we will say together

We will feast and weep no more”

God's Got This One

August 26, 2019

God’s Got This One

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. Sometimes there are just no words. Sometimes all that rests on this side of heaven is a heart full of prayers for comfort or a general daze, along with a soaking in reality.

The past couple of weeks, Cherie took a well needed vacation up in the pines of AZ. My parents took her to a cabin, where she got to spend time with some close friends that came up to visit with her. And Cherie did get a couple days to herself, all alone…something she hasn’t had since last December! She filled her days in the mountains with lots of rest and sleep. She was also getting used to some new pain medicine that seemed to mostly do the trick. At one point she took a 2 mile walk with a friend and enjoyed every minute of it. When she wasn’t with her friends she slept…she LOVES her sleep!

It’s been about 6 weeks now that Cherie has been experiencing pain…it’s a pain that comes with cancer, somewhere inside her abdomen area, but nothing succinct, just general pain. Sometimes it’s just an annoying sloshy tummy feeling. Sometimes it hurts enough for me to hear it in her voice. Those times are more often now. Those times are daily. But God’s got this one.

God has truly blessed Cherie with a palliative care doctor that has been sweet, sympathetic, and straight forward. She has given Cherie her personal cell phone number so they can work together to figure out what meds are helpful. In the past month Cherie was experiencing extreme pain and went to the ER, where they performed a CT scan. The things that showed up in that scan are indicators of why the palliative doctor has encouraged Cherie to pursue hospice care. The doctor also told Cherie that she should be eating things and doing things that make her feel good. After that appointment, we all went out for Chick Fil A and picked up some amazing Chocolate Ganache ice cream! God’s got this one!

But the pain and uncomfortableness have been a lurking issue. The appetite to eat is just not there. The doctor has helped to find the right combination of meds that will give Cherie some relief, but she has continued to point Cherie in the direction of hospice care. This week Cherie, mom, dad, and I will meet with hospice. I am eager to see how they can help Cherie with her pain. Since she has chosen not to receive chemo treatment, hospice will be there to make sure she is living as comfortably as possible.  I am thankful for those of you who have helped encourage her to pursue learning more about what hospice can do to help her. I am a huge proponent of this pursuit, since it has been a struggle to see Cherie deal with pain everyday now. And God’s got this one.

We still have been given no timeline as to how much time my sister still has on this earth. And then I stop to think: Has anyone really truly been given a timeline for our short stay on this earth?!  This cancer thing just starts to tug at the heart and we all want to know what to expect. It’s difficult. It’s not difficult to recognize that our earthly bodies are in God’s Sovereign hands, but when the reality of cancer hits, along with the suffering effects, this is when I struggle with a known situation that I can’t control. But then I sit at the feet of my Beloved Savior and rest in peace, accepting my helplessness, feeling that humbleness which comes with the acknowledgement that my hands are weak, my efforts to control are feeble. God’s got this one.

There are no rose colored glasses for this entry. The cancer is growing. It’s hard to watch.

We thank God for:

-          The time away that Cherie had in the AZ pines!

-          The friends God has placed in her life that have truly been an encouragement

-          The health of my parents, who have been steady providers for Cherie in ways we can never try to count

-          Giving man the idea for medication that was invented that will help smooth this time ahead

-          Flowers. She still loves flowers. A single flower or a beautiful bouquet will always brighten her day

Please pray for:

-          A quick transition to hospice care. We want Cherie to enjoy her days and have more good days than pain filled ones

-          Stamina for Cherie on her good days

-          Cherie to have a heart of peace as she opens her mind to even the word “hospice” and the reality she faces

-          My mom and dad. They will need energy and stamina as things progress