A few more words to add...

February 27, 2019

There are some things on my heart I need to share.

First, I have been moved to tears by the notes from friends and family. People I haven’t seen or heard from for 25+ years have popped up out of the woodwork with words of encouragement and promises of prayers before the feet of our Almighty God. Thank you, everyone, for your support in so many ways!

There is something I have not shared, which Cherie and I feel is very important for you all to know. I hope you can understand it but, if not, trust that we are telling a part of Cherie’s journey that we feel is important to share with the masses:

Cherie was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. There are actually various levels of each stage. Cherie’s is all the way over on the charts, on every aspect of every chart. Every level of diagnosis is to the edge of every chart. It has spread to various parts of her body, of which the liver is the biggest concern to me. Her lymph nodes are carrying cancer, not just in one part of her body, but in many parts of her body, as I have shared in previous posts. What is most important to mention, at this point, is that God does not operate according to charts. I recognize that and I am most thankful for that, in acknowledging that God works outside of every chart dimension or diagnosis. His hand is mighty and we don’t decide how He uses His hand in order for us to bring Him glory.

In light of this, Dr. Brooks has compassionately shared with Cherie and the family that what she has is not curable. He has said this many times, and Cherie has had this on the forefront of her mind ever since she decided to pursue Chemo. At this point it is important that I state the fact that God does not operate within curable or incurable diseases. God knows no boundaries. Cherie and mom and dad, as well as myself, continue to acknowledge that God may choose to heal her, to take away the cancer once and for all. I know that many of you are praying for that. I admire your faith and feel that I fall way short of understanding it. Reality has hit me, probably from the beginning of all of this. My prayers have been that God is glorified. My prayers have been that Cherie will be free of pain. But in those prayers, I sometimes lose sight of how God has made this a part of His story instead of mine or my parents or Cherie.

Ever since chemo began streaming through my sister’s body, she has been thinking about how things might play out. The idea with the chemo treatment is to prolong her life. The cancer that she has is incurable (other than a miraculous act of God, which we all will acknowledge). In light of this, for the rest of Cherie’s life, she would be enduring rounds of chemo just to prolong her life. The side effects have affected her in such a way that she feels she doesn’t have much of a life anymore if she has to deal with side effects that she most recently has had multiply. Cherie feels if she is doing chemo only to prolong her life, her prolonged life will be a world full of very unpleasant side effects and she has been unable to function under just round 3, let alone a total of 12 treatments.

Many of you may wonder about alternative measures that Cherie could take, or pursue, that may cure or prolong her life for a long while. Please understand that I know my sister. It is completely unrealistic for her to even consider an alternative such as juicing or becoming vegan or whatever others have claimed to be their cure. Honestly, this is not a realistic road for Cherie. Her life is sharing her time with others, not juicing or becoming wrapped up in how to cure herself. She has decided to acknowledge that the cure is in God’s hands. For her to pursue a route that would literally force her to give up her current life of spending enjoyable time with others is not worth it to her. She doesn’t want to live just to have to face another day of juicing or of chemo, or whatever route has proven to work for others. She would hate juicing. She definitely hates chemo. Realistically, she could never keep up with it and still be able to enjoy life or share in the enjoyment of others’ lives.

Cherie is not a candidate for chemo and Cherie is not a candidate for alternative measures. Cherie is a welcome recipient of the joys and grace that God has bestowed upon her life. She does not judge those that have chosen different routes than what she sees before her. She wants to enjoy each of you, whether in person or in cards or in flowers or in encouraging messages on social media. She wants to see God at work around her as she continues to pursue life to the greatest extent possible.

I close with a poem posted in Paul Tripp’s book A Shelter in the Time of Storm.

Safe

I am safe,

Not because I have no trouble,

or because I never experience danger.

I am safe,

Not because people affirm me,

Or my plans always work out.

I am safe,

Not because I am immune from disease,

Or free of the potential for poverty.

I am safe,

Not because I am protected from

Disappointment,

Or separated from this

Fallen world.

I am safe,

Not because I am wise

Or strong.

I am safe, not because I deserve

Comfort or have earned my ease.

I am safe,

Not because of

Money

Or power,

Or position,

Or intellect,

Or who I know,

Or where I live.

I am safe because of the glorious mystery of

Grace.

I am safe because of the presence of

Boundless love.

I am safe because of

Divine mercy,

Divine wisdom,

Divine power,

And divine grace.

I am safe,

Not because I never face

Danger,

But because You are

With me in it.

You have not given me

A ticket out of danger.

You have not promised me

A life of ease.

You have chosen to place me in

A fallen world.

I am safe

Because You have given me

The one thing

That is the

Only thing

That will ever keep me safe.

You have given me

You.

I am safe from my evil heart

And this shattered world,

Not because I can escape

Them both,

But because in the middle of

Temptation and trial,

Danger and disappointment,

Sickness and want,

You give me everything

I need to

Fight temptation

And avoid defeat

And to point others

To the safety

That can be found only

In You.

 So, I will wake up tomorrow

And face the anxiety

Of not knowing

The fear of my own weakness,

And the reality of the fall.

I will live with

Faith,

Courage,

Perseverance,

And hope.

And when danger comes,

And it will,

I will whisper to

My weakening heart,

“Emmanuel is your shelter;

You are safe.”